At 13, he owned four clock radios. These were strategically placed around the perimeter of a bedroom fully equipped with strings of artfully placed Christmas lights blinking just out of sync with "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy". He wore white briefs. He sang every word, strummed every imaginary chord. The lights were low. Fortunately for the quiet community of East Peoria, his bedroom faced away from the road.
When he was 14, he was smitten by the smartest girl in freshman math. To secure her love, he purchased a gold heart locket, memorized the value of Pi to 100 decimal places, and pronounced the sweet music of 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169 (this is all he can still remember) to his beloved as he bestowed upon her the precious trinket.
The results were too horrible to relate. Sadly, all of this is true. |
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